That way, for you, I can fall and fall again
by Jibril Mudo
Summary: A romantic valentines day poem to Ayeka. A/T. Please r&r.


_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_   
This poem is going into my other story, The Unruly Son, in a future chapter but I hoped to have it out by Valentines day. It's only the second poem I've written so please be kind. ^.^ I think it sounds better if read alound, though.  
**  
  
That way, for you, I can fall..... and fall again**  
  
  
Here I am, waiting in your room  
Presently escaping from your detection  
Lurking within the shadows  
This darkened corner helpfully provides  
  
Alone I prepare my words  
Which were once thoughts, eventually taking form  
Swirling lazily into shape  
Begging release from the mind  
So it can flow out my mouth  
But this tongue is the river's delta  
Announcing how I feel is not the norm  
  
It'll take more than these mere moments   
To truly show how I feel  
To fully open my heart  
And reveal my bared soul  
Naked and vulnerable before  
The one who took me eternities to find  
  
Ready to say it, I was once so sure  
But the set time has come and passed  
And I curse my locked jaw  
Useless are those rusted hinges  
That flapped before normally so free!  
Now they only refuse to budge this reluctant maw  
A cursed condition that came so abruptly  
Warning me the place and time I foresaw  
To show my true colors is not here and not now  
  
Reminding myself of your sleepy state  
I gather those few shreds of courage  
Like autumn leaves they are strewn about my being  
And I rake them into a loose pile  
A disheveled heap that can endure the fiercest foes  
Yet no matter how tightly compacted  
The jumble will scatter readily, interspersing among the breeze  
At the merest portent of the whirlwind  
Which are your erubescent eyes  
  
That normally hold such a gentle demeanor  
But the tranquil surface is only a disguise  
A veneer that readily fooled many in simple passing  
How I exalt in seeing those crimson lakes ripple so often now  
Shimmering waves which only partly belie  
The true depth of your soul, so independent and fierce  
Whose pure essence will haunt me until my demise  
The hidden amazon within, a fiery being  
Whose searing spirit has branded me for eternity  
  
How could I have known such an awesome change  
Would so suddenly befall me  
That in you, I would observe a quiet smoldering beauty  
Not even your half-brother had ever bothered fully seeing  
My little princess, you were my love at first sight  
  
Before it seemed, I was stuck emotionless in time  
A cold frozen shell oblivious on what was missing  
Neither truly alive nor contentedly dead  
Only asininely going through the motions  
Daily life's constant repetitions numbing my mind  
For so long my head was devoid of any new notions  
  
Living lifelessly installed these stubborn icy barriers in place  
In turn protecting me from this unknown new feeling  
A defensive armor I immediately donned   
Its tight restrictions unconsciously designed  
I could not be hurt at first when within it encased  
Enveloped in my frosty barrier I started dying deathlessly  
Stubborness keeping those shields properly placed  
  
But relentlessy that cloaked fervent spirit of yours  
Passed on its masked passion into me unceasing  
Newly discovered urges taunting my imagination  
Tempting me to gravitate toward what I secretly desired  
Those movements so sudden kept increasing  
Chafing against and wearing away  
My emotional chain mail of permafrost links  
  
The battle against the inevitable had hit a ceiling  
Stressing me past any normal endurance  
Yet I had to keep working out my mental kinks  
Culling out the confusion that still manages to have me reeling  
Despite this powerful storm raging against my instincts  
Going against the coldness I knew, every step feeling like a sin  
I knew I had to press forward so I can hold onto this feeling  
And win the war within  
  
I loved you in secret for so long now  
Captivated by the multi-faceted sides of your personality  
Kept watch during your most unguarded moments  
Just to see you act free from the protocols of royalty   
If only for a short while  
But those memories echo in my heart for an eternity  
In that time transformed, but always a regal princess  
Priceless mementos to keep close when I needed to smile  
  
You will always be my Lady  
In every re-incarnation of my life  
A title of prince may be attributed to me now  
However, I'm no liege but for you always a willing vassal  
A knight ready to defend defiantly  
Against anybody who attacks you or your castle  
Whether with raucous force   
Or the devious machinations of those who plot silently  
  
Oh! I see that my little princess is fully asleep in this frame of time  
I take those long-awaited soundless steps  
Away from the shadowed alcove  
To start my short shift  
Standing watch directly over you if only for a few minutes  
I hope this trespass isn't an unforgivable crime  
  
Ah....., there you are, finally resting in front of me  
How often have I done this, in awe quietly staring  
Such habits unneccessary for my recollection anyway  
For you are always in my mind's eye  
So why is it that I wait with such anticipation   
For these moments, forgive me, when upon you I spy?  
I know it's not proper, perhaps my need makes me beyond caring  
Please don't take offense at these breaches of your privacy  
I want only to be insured about your safety, not to pry  
  
My lips curve upward gently  
It is not a smile but a frown upside-down  
You are totally unaware  
Of me creeping closer to your form  
I should be pleased with this  
Effortlessly maintaining the status quo  
So that everything remains the norm  
  
May I touch you just this once? Do I dare  
Right now, as I am here, next to you  
These scant inches are in surreality a gaping chasm  
Will there always be obstacles between us two  
The knight searching out in desperation for his maiden  
The maiden waiting to hear from her silent knight  
I know this arrangement isn't fair  
But neither can I rectify this situation before my final fight  
  
Did those pale lids just twitch  
Nearly threatening to come apart  
Please don't draw back those ivory curtains  
Or I would instantly crash in mid-flight  
And plummet into the depths  
Of those innocent scarlet orbs  
So clear yet sparkling with an innate mystery  
My breath would cease to exist at the sight  
That swirling crimson is my weakness  
And deeper and deeper I would be drawn in  
Yet the descent could never be my plight  
And as I partake of my one remaining pleasures  
I wonder how it is I landed in this mess  
When all I really want is to do is fall and fall again   
  
Let me try to keep you safe  
I'll gladly take all the mounting risks  
Because the fear within me for myself is barely perceptible  
Compared to the resonating drumbeat  
I hear when you are in harm's way  
If I have to  
I'll beg and I'll beseech you, while kneeled at your feet  
That with me, you have to stay  
  
Let me wager your answer would be a yes  
Here my confidence may seem complete  
But yet I need to confess  
When it comes to you my uncertainties rule and at my core they eat  
I'm not a man, I'm a mess!  
  
I should think before I speak of guarding your life  
Always it seems I'm the one in middle of eternal strife  
As time passes, the perils become ever more rife  
I'm sad I can't show you my affection  
To cast it out like the stars their light  
Always I find myself  
Acting not as a lover, rather perfectly portraying a stranger  
Be glad for one thing  
Remembering you makes me brave all the danger  
  
Struggling against the tide  
These eternal waves pushing me back towards the shore  
Your sweet smile seems as far away as the horizon   
Yet the sun cannot begin to hope to outshine it  
At times distant but I swear it's oh so near   
Of you I won't get enough, I want more  
  
My heart holds onto you most dear  
While the remembered sparkle from your eyes uplifts it  
I hope you remain asleep, so that with bated breath  
I alone may watch your chest rise and fall  
That precise movement single-handedly exciting me more and more  
Yet it spites me as well, accurately counting off the seconds  
A cruel reminder of the sands of time diminishing  
Passing as a torrent through the hourglass   
While I waste away loathing this constant cycle of lonely one-sided rendevous  
That still I can't help but await  
I would pray again, but time is something not even gods can stop  
So I will treasure these last few minutes together  
Fruitlessly trying to slake a thirst an eternity together wouldn't sate  
Please stay still my little princess  
Until your eternal sentinal is done pondering your fate  
  
The past, present, and future is a colorful tapestry  
Our destinies are its individual threads  
Yet fate's pattern is not yet set  
So I will pray and pray again  
That our cords are intertwined tightly  
  
Despite knowing otherwise to my increasing sorrow  
Can I not hope that the morrow  
Is the day I start to hold you nightly  
The thought of that itself is enough for now I know  
  
I tremble at the serene vision  
Your hair being released from those restraints  
While you lay on me bare, chest to chest  
My heart would be constantly aflutter  
Yet finally at rest  
Our love would keep our spirits warm  
And our bodies will be covered  
With your sea of cascading purple strands  
A plum river of never ending flow  
How I long to brush it for you  
And help bring forth the natural sheen  
Framing the delicate face of which I am much more than keen  
But now my time to leave is coming, and knowing that  
Brings nothing but a bitter taste to my mouth  
As if I indulged in tea allowed too long to seep  
So I turn away with utmost reverence and unmitigated reluctance  
I always wanted to believe you are my north star  
Why is it that I constantly travel south?  
  
My eyes have now peeled away from your beautiful visage  
Never will the memory of your profile fade from me  
As I walk out the door, forgive me yet again  
For I have a castle to protect and I'm the gaurd of this Keep  
One day, hopefully, you will know how much I love you  
Now instead, I leave quietly and wish you a good night's sleep  
  
Hoping that I'll find it within my power soon to approach you for real  
Gaze into your eyes and manage to say what I truly feel  
Because all I want is to lose myself in your crimson orbs  
Speak the words that would stop my life's current descent  
A fast paced freefall, it just won't relent  
This change in me has been the greatest present  
And my inexperienced instinct told me to make a downturn  
First it was a dip, then a short dive, finally graduating into a full plummet  
If only this once, I can look into your soul unbared  
So my yearning heart can be uplifted back to the summit  
That way, for you, I can fall..... and fall again  
  
**  
Author's Note:**  
Please review or email rolfwind@yahoo.com!  



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